SO BAD THEY’RE GOOD? MAYBE NOT

A old friend of my son has on his Facebook page a link to a list of the 100 Worst Movies of All Time, at least according to a poll by the Internet Movie Database (IMBD).

If you’re like me, when you run across something like that you have to check it out to see how many of the movies you have personally seen. Turns out I had seen only one, and that one because I was a fan of “Mystery Science Theater 3000” and Manos: Hands of Fate (which translates to Hands: Hands of Fate) was one of the movies featured. (Alfred said he has seen four.)

If you want to check out the list, it is at www. www.imdb.com/chart/bottom. I have seen a few others (or, in some cases, parts of them) I think should be added.

-- The Tingler. This has Vincent Price playing a doctor who discovers that tingling in the spine from fear is caused by some sort of odd growth (it looks like a long slug covered with seaweed hat will kill you unless you negate its effect by screaming. His wife dies because she is a mute and cannot scream, and he removes the “tingler” from her spine, which, surprise! surprise!, escapes.

-- Plan Nine from Outer Space. Not sure how this one got left off the IMBD list because it generally is recognized as one of the worst movies of all-time. If you saw Ed Wood, you saw the story behind this campy classic. Wood was the writer and director of this tale of aliens from outer space (where else?) who are going unleash zombies on the world. I’m not sure what their first eight plans were but this one doesn’t work very well. They seem to be sitting in desk chairs in their space ship.

-- Zoolander. My wife and I had just seen some Ben Stiller movie we had liked, so we went to see this one. Big mistake. I don’t like to walk out on a movie after you have to lay down so much money for tickets, but this is one we simply couldn’t take. We left maybe halfway in or at least long enough to know this wasn’t worth the time.

-- Blades of Glory. This Will Ferrell product has its moments, but clever one-liners can’t make up for the rest of the vapidness. It’s not as bad as Zoolander, though.

-- The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes’ Smarter Brother. How oh how could Gene Wilder could be part of something like this a year after making Young Frankenstein shall remain one of the mysteries of life. I guess we’re all entitled to make a mistake once in a while.

-- Eating Raoul. This actually has gotten a lot of good comments from people on the Netflix website. To each his own, I guess. In case you haven’t seen it, it’s about a couple who decided to raise money to get their restaurant going by luring sex-seekers to their home and then killing them for their money. Netflix says this movie is “Campy, Raunchy, Quirky.” I thought it was just plain dumb.

-- The Last Mimzy. OK. This is a kids’ movie. I saw it with the grandkids, who did like it. Mimzy is a stuff rabbit toy from the future that the kids in a family come across. It’s going to save the world from all the adults who want to destroy the planet. More brainwashing of our kids. And grandkids.

-- National Lampoon’s European Vacation. Not really all that bad, but considering the solid effort in National Lampoon’s Vacation, it could have been so much better.

-- The Men Who Stare at Goats. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. It had possibilities, but then goes off in directions I just couldn’t follow.

-- The Return of the Pink Panther. As good as the original Pink Panther was, this sets a course straight into mediocrity. The ones that follow Peter Sellers’ death (Trail of the Pink Panther and Curse of the Pink Panther) are even worse. I’ve also read that the remake of the Pink Panther with Steve Martin is pretty bad.

Frankly, I could probably pick up a newspaper (or visit a website) for today’s movies and come up with an entire different list, such is the state of what is being produced today. But I kept this to just movies I have seen.

You probably have your own list.