NOTHING TO SEE, OR HEAR, HERE

I have not been keeping up on my blog recently because of football.

Doesn’t make sense, does it?

After all, there are no football games being played these days (and may not be, on the professional level, in the fall, for that matter).

So how is football keeping me from blogging?

I do some writing on collegiate sports for a couple of different outlets/publications, and this is the time of year when college football teams are going through spring practice. In some cases, teams I am responsible for have already wrapped up spring practice, and that requires me to write summaries of what they allegedly accomplished.

This is also the time of year when all the preseason magazines on college football are beginning to be put together, and I am in the midst of that as well.

So I haven’t been able to get to my blog, even though I didn’t lack for topics.

Last week I drove an Audi TT roadster and want to comment on that. Didn’t have time.

I also found it interesting that because a basketball coach in Arkansas was fired, Miami, which is more than a thousand miles away from Fayetteville, Miami, is now looking for a coach. You see, Arkansas fired John Pelphrey, then hired Mike Anderson.

Mike Anderson was the coach at Missouri, which then went out and tried to hire Matt Painter from Purdue. When Painter turned down Mizzou, Mizzou went out and hired Frank Haith from the University of Miami, and now the Hurricanes are looking for a basketball coach.

It’s a small world, college basketball. I was going to blog about that. Didn’t have time.

Finally, the Masters was played last week and a local radio station broadcast the tournament. Yes, that’s right. There was coverage of a golf tournament -- on the radio!

And you probably thought auto racing on the radio was bad. It’s nothing compared to golf.

I was reminded of a comic route featuring ventriloquist Jeff Dunham who was in a conversation with one of his, um, characters, Peanut. Peanut mentions that at the previous show, he noticed a man in the audience who was facing the opposite direction and was flipping his hands every time he (Peanut) said something.

So Peanut asked the guy what he was doing.

“He was a signer. A SIGH-NER. Think about this for a second. They brought a bunch of deaf people to see the ventriloquist! What!?!?!?

“What do you do next week? Oh, I’m going to take a bunch of blind folks to see David Copperfield.”

Pause, followed by Peanut’s stern voice.

“The elephant disappeared. It just f*cking disappeared. Oh my god, he’s juggling now! You should see ... oh, sorry.”

Imagine what Peanut -- or Walter -- would say about golf on the radio.

“Tiger sticks a tee in the ground, places his ball on it, steps back, waggles his club, looks down the fairway, looks at the ball, looks back down the fairway, takes a practice swing, looks back down at the ball, looks down the fairway ... ”

Ah, what drama!

I listened to a few minutes just to see what hell it was like, but when the announcer at one point described what one of the golfers was wearing (black shoes and black visor is all that I remember him saying), that is where I drew the line.

I thought I might blog about that, too.

Speaking of which, I have drifted off the point here. My intent was just to let you know I will be blogging more regularly starting next week. Or sometime.

Starting with my comments on the Audi TT. (Vroom, vroom, engine sound.)