HEY, CARDINALS. YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR FROM ME!

You probably have heard by now that a fat guy is suing a restaurant because, he says, the booths in the place aren't big enough to accommodate his lard ass.

I saw it Monday on the Drudge Report. so it was on a lot of the cable networks on Tuesday.

That seems to be the way things work these days. Something shows up on on the Internet and then goes national on the networks, cable or otherwise.

Any way, I am thinking that this is another sign that we are approaching the Apocalypse and, in fact, if the court doesn’t throw this guy out on his butt (with help, of course) then we are already there.

Here are the details. A 64-year-old guy who lives in Nanuet, New York (surprisingly, not Florida or California) says he stopped by a White Castle, ordered his “favorite meal” -- two double hamburgers, fries, and a Coke -- and then went to sit down.

The chair he attempted to sit on was one of those that are fastened to the floor, and he wouldn’t fit between the table and the seat. He banged his knee, causing pain. Oh, the humanity.

This was two years ago, and when he complained then, he said he was told by the restaurant that changes would be made. When they weren’t, naturally he sued.

His case is being filed as a violation of the Americans’ With Disability Act, which illustrates another point. No matter what the intent of a law when it is passed, it can have all sorts of unintended consequences.

Tell me, do you think accommodating fat people going into a restaurant of their own choice was what they had in mind when they passed that act? Or was it, maybe, designed so that people in wheelchairs wouldn’t have to stand in the rain at bus stops or go a block out of their way to get around a curb?

I’m just guessing here, but I’m thinking it’s the latter.

Of course, now they’re even talking about making the ADA cover ugly people. Maybe you heard about that. It was in an op-ed in the New York Times (where else?) that a professor made the case that ugly people should be compensated under the ADA for, well, being ugly because his surveys show good-looking people make more money.

(Perhaps the New York Times has a vested interest in this. At the very least, the newspaper should be required under full disclosure to release what percentage of its reporters and editors are ugly. I know I never have confused newsrooms with backstage at a Miss America contest, if you get my drift.)

I’m thinking things can’t get more ridiculous, but I’m sure they will. In a way, I’m sort of regretting that I didn’t think of something like this back when I was growing up playing baseball. I had a disability that kept me out of the majors. I couldn’t throw a curve, and I think it was because I had broken my right wrist twice. I should have sued for a roster spot on the Cardinals.

Maybe all is not lost, however.

In that same report about the fat guy and White Castle (Could there maybe be a correlation there?), which appeared on myFox New York TV, another customer is asked his thoughts about the booth suit. 

“If you’re too fat to fit in a booth, you should stop eating burgers,” the guy in the drive-thru says. “It’s as simple as that.”

Imagine that. A nugget of common sense!